Sunday, December 19, 2010

I Wasn't Prepared

Good morning all!
Yesterday was our first family get together of the CHRISTmas season.
We had a wonderful time at Nana & PaBill's.
It was the perfect combination of family and fun.
I spent most of my time with Claire.
She's almost two and doesn't talk much.
I usually try to coax her into talking.
Yesterday I decided to use reverse psychology on her...
I taught her sign language in hopes that she'd speak.
I don't know that we got anywhere,
but we sure had a good time playing SaSa's game.

During lunch, mom & I ate at the kiddie table.
Because really, that's where the party is.
Addison (4) said, "Aunt SaSa,
my mama showed me some babies that
{insert the most pathetic sad face imaginable}
don't have a h-o-m-e."
As my heart broke I said, "She did?!"
Then Addison perked up and said
"But it's OK SaSa,
my mommy said they're coming to live with YOU!"
Now it's one thing to have a heart for God's work,
but it's totally different to hear a orphan's story explained by a child.

We stayed for hours.
Enjoyed a relaxed celebration together.
And really had a great time.
SO, here's where I'm stumped.
Why did I tear up over the butter as I helped clean up??
I know I might not be the cleanest person around,
but I certainly don't cry over it!
Is it because I'm overwhelmed with joy for the
precious child that God has blessed us with?
And just maybe that joy turns to sorrow
as I remember that this year our family
consist of the Hinsons - 1??
Whatever the reason, I feel sad and then silly.
How can you miss someone you've never met?
How can a gathering seem incomplete when
Emily Margaret's never attended with us before?
But I guess most importantly
and the emotion that always wins out is,
how can you forget a face once it's captured your heart??

Emily Margaret,
I can't even put into words how much you're loved.
I loved you from the first moment you fell backwards
coming down that mean old slide.
There were times when I tried not to.
Even now there are times when I still
find myself trying to protect my heart.
But it's not for selfish reasons.
From the moment I looked into your eyes,
you had my heart.
I prayed, and still do, that God will bless you with the very best family possible.
Even if that family isn't mine.
So you see Emily Margaret,
this year you will spend one last Christmas in your orphanage.
The difference is that God has revealed to us the
home and family He picked out for you.
And this family He's designed, loves you very much.
Your part of the Hinsons now,
God bless your sweet soul.
And we will carry you in our heart
until the time arrives when we hold you in our arms.
Emily Margaret, not only does God love you,
your mama loves you too!!!

I'm sorry I wasn't prepared for these emotions.
But then I guess you can never fully understand
the emotions you'll experience while parenting a child,
until you've looked into their eyes.

God's blessings on your day friends,


Tara Anderson said...

These feelings that have taken you by surprise are very normal. You will feel that gaping hole in your your life...until the day Emily Margaret is placed in your arms.

And what a precious thing to hear an orphan's story explained by a child. I try to protect my kids from the "cruelties" of the world as much as possible, but the two "harsh realities" I have introduced them to early on is that there are kids that don't have a family, and there are kids that don't have enough food to eat. And just recently, we started explaining that there are places where you can get into trouble for loving God. But as we tell them these things we teach them how to give, what adoption is about, why missionaries overseas need to be supported financially...and I have to admit that our "technique" is working out beautifully. :) It's absolutely precious to see your children developing a heart like God's!

The Sanders said...

You are such a great writer! I am often haunted by these children's faces and overwhelmed with all that God has blessed us with.
Heard that you were under the weather. Hope that you will be up and running again sooon!
Just can't wait to share in your joy!
Love ya@!

Jana C. Rogers said...

I am so happy from your GREAT news!!! She is beautiful and I hope I will meet her one day! God is so good!! Emily Margaret you have a wonderful family!! with a Cool Auntie Rach and fun little cousins!! ;)